British Expatriate Network

I just saw the trailer for the New Italian Job.

Please kill me now. It's set in LA with that tool Mark "More Wooden Than Thunderbirds" Wahlberg. So, not Italian in the slightest, CGI special effects and quite possibly shaping up as the worst remake ever - no Benny Hill, no Michael Caine, no Noel Coward.

Even worse than the "Casablanca" tv series with David Soul. Why, why, why? This has "Crapola Ground Zero" written all over it in big flashing twenty-foot high neon letters.

All I ask is that whoever kills me makes it quick and painless.

Consider it done.

...or would you rather...?


:grin:

A little "friendly fire" there Lizzi? VRB isn't an American yet, but I guess he's in coalition with them so that makes him fair game! :wink:

You taught me all I know, Mrs Plauder-Smiley

That's Dr. Plauder-Smiley to you! :wink:

Issit????

more

I believe THIS is the mother of all smileys.

I outsmiley everyone. Heh.

P.S.

Mr Rude, I'm awfully sorry you're not impressed with the new Italian Job movie.

Are you going to pay money to see it and then critique it?

Er... no. I wouldn't see this movie if it came with free beer and all the hookers my tongue could handle.

In fact, here's a review from rottentomatoes.com

"I recently saw a sneak-preview of "The Italian Job." I was not at all impressed. In fact, it was one of the most disheartening movie-going experiences I've had in a long time.

First of all, the movie has changed dramatically from the original. I haven't seen the original, but I just read the synopsis, and can tell you the two are nothing alike. First, the Italian job takes place in Venice in the remake, not in Turin. Second, the entire tone of the film has changed, from heist picture to heist picture plus sappy revenge/romance/buddy flick. This new film only does the heists adequately (and even then they're nothing spectacular), while the sappy revenge / romance / buddy flick dynamic scuttles the ship.

Signs of trouble appeared early on when Donald Sutherland spoke ominously, "It's not thieves I don't trust, it's the devil inside." A few members of the audience groaned, while I, and most of the rest, wanted to reserve judgment.

It was about a half-hour into the movie that I realized this If I had to continually work to contain my snickering, grimacing, or sighing heavily at the writing and acting, it probably wasn't worth the effort. Hell, half the audience had started to do it already. Edward Norton had trouble delivering his lines with a straight face, and poor Mark Wahlberg and Charlize Theron seemed unable to avoid embarrassing themselves.

I don't really want to reveal too much plot here (though I can almost guarantee that it will be difficult not to predict what's going to happen as you're sitting in the theater), but I will say that there isn't a plot twist that doesn't rumble up like a two-ton elephant. It's not that the filmmakers attempted subtlety and failed, it's as if they were trying to be just subtle enough so that the 15 year olds in the audience (and there weren't any at the sneak-preview) would feel brilliant once their predictions for the plot had come true. Those of us not 15 didn't feel brilliant, we felt cheated.

By the end of the movie, having endured painfully obvious plot maneuvers and double-crosses, along with ham-fisted dialogue that seemed more like the first reading around the table than a fully produced movie, the hecklers in the audience had gotten louder. When the final scene hit the screen, accompanied by voice-over narration by our main character, Mark Wahlberg, everyone in the theater groaned, snickered, or whispered to their neighbors.

Beyond poor acting by Wahlberg and Theron, and an awful, trite, contrived, and endlessly predictable script, there were a few glimmers of hope. First and foremost Seth Green. He plays the tech-geek in the movie, the guy who hacks into the security systems with fancy-schmancy Dell computers, and despite the fact that he has to talk in "nerd ebonics," he also delivers a few great one liners and one scene that's a comic gem. As he watches Jason Statham's character hit on a blonde airhead, he wonderfully imitates both Statham's lower-class British accent and the Valley Girl whine. It's a lonely bright spot in a disappointing film.

The other great scene comes in the first 20 minutes of the movie--the boat chase through Venice. It was quite intense, the camera exploiting the narrow corners and dense canals of Venice, making every turn seem as though it could land the boat in an apartment.

That's enough for me. I actually spent $10 on the movie, but even if I'd seen it for free, I would have regretted wasting the 105 minutes the movie took to finally end. Sorry for the frustration, but it's well-warranted."

I rest my case. If someone who has no idea about TIJ can't sit through the "remake", what chance is there for the rest of us? roll

I bet the remake won't include that wonderful little song either sad

"This is the self-preservation society...tum te tum etc!"

STG