British Expatriate Network

We had a very interesting conversation on our home the other day where our daughter stated that men cannot be raped. Apparently her and her friends had been discussing it in school.

Now, she wasn't talking about a man raping a man. She made this very clear. It was a woman raping a man.

Well, I disagreed with her and tried to explain to her that while it would probably be rare it is possible because of the inability for a man to fully control his actions. For example, in a Law and Order SVU episode they had a case where a man was coaxed into a bedroom where he was strapped to a bed and three women had sex with him against his will.

Obvioiusly this is a show but I think it puts forward an interesting point, especially if teenagers think that a man can't be raped.

The schools here teach a lot about sex and include rape but I am sure they do not include the issue of men being raped. I can't help thinking that this should be included but does the amount of times this would actually happen make it rediculous to be included?

Do you think it happens much more often that we like to think?

Tough to call - I would think even if it does happen, most self-respecting men are unlikely to want to report it.

I also would think it is probably not equal to say the rape of a woman. The biology, the probably need for arousal in the male (which can occur through desire or otherwise but is unnecessary if a man is raping a woman) and other factors suggest that it can't really be viewed the same.

Anyway, isn't rape more about forcing will on someone and basically subjugating/degrading them? Is that as inherent in women as it has proven to be in men? Not that I think all men are evil or should even be treated as potential rapists, which I sense more often than I'd like but historically, it has played a major part in how conquerors treat the conquered.

Tieing me to a bed and being sexually abused by 3 bueatifull women ..
ahhh the thought A wonderfull dream .

but if they were ugly and smelly......

Or they had a strap on.

I hope your dream comes true.

D Still the same Moo LOL

I was going to type an answer, but Pilgrim said it for me.

Rape is a legal definition. It therefore varies but is essentially penatrative sex where one party does not consent.

Whilst comparatively rare, women have been convicted of raping men.

Also there is the offense of statutory rape, where one party is incapable of giving consent by virtue of age or some other incapacity.

Of course statistics are skewed by the fact that it is even more difficult for a man to report that he has been raped than a woman. He is also likely to be taken less seriously than a woman (which given the unfortuante tendency of police officers to not take women seriously, creates a huge obstacle.

Ben, one thing that occurs to me is that your daughter and her friends may implicity presume that women are submissive in sexual relationships. My view is that this is not a good thing as it may undermine their confidence to say no or to report unwanted/ innapropriate advances.

Just MHO - I'd be interested to hear the views of others.

Rob, while we are always concerned about our daughters and the dangers out there, I don't believe in this case that my daughter and her friends have this presumption that women are submissive regarding sex and sexual relationship. I believe this came more to the forefront of their thoughts because in health they are told about rape. Rape is very much taught that it is sex forced on a woman and that it is wrong. They are taught, and as parents we constantly tell all of them that they all have the right to say no, and that respect is a two-way street.

There has also been a couple of my daughter's friends who have faced forced sexual encounters, so she is very aware of the detrimental effect this has.

And so, I think the reason this actually came up is that there is this belief that it is only women that can be raped and it is only women who need to be aware and careful. And I can't help thinking that this type of thought and treatment is just as unacceptable as the older views where a woman couldn't be raped, that she must have asked for it in some way etc.

hehehe

Reminds me of a joke .

DRUNK sits at a bar with a photo of his wife by his side.
a customer say thats nice you love you wife so much you take her pic everywhere .

No you,ve got it wrong says the drunk ,when i look at her and she begins to look bueatifull i know ive had enough .

Maybe you have stumbled on one of the last taboo's Ben. Kudos for discussing this with your daughter and her friends Ben.

Although socially and statistically we tend to think this is uncommon it is a serious event in a man's life. Whether it be at the hands of a male or female offender. I guess there is a whole world of sexual deviations from the norm that we don't (or reallydone want) to know about.

Are we shocked at news reports anymore when a priest is accused of mollesting alter boys?

In the 60's unwed mothers to be were outcasts. Have we improved society with this? What does that mean to the unwanted teen pregnancy boom? We are becoming sensitised without even knowing it to so many subjects.

Pregnancy testing of any girl above the age of 12 is the norm in any Emergency Department. Pre-term labour and spontaneous abortion are on the lower abdominal pain list in pediatrics.

One improvement that might be a whole other subject is discussions like this. Where did you learn about sex and the unspoken word... periods?

In the 70's child abuse was vastly unreported. You were a bad parent if you didn't discipline your kids. Now you're a bad parent if you do.

I've just read over the four legal statutes dealing with "rape" in our state. There is no reason a woman couldn't be charged with "raping" a man - according to these statutes - if the correct elements were present.