So I was reading over on American Expats about leaving a stone on a gravestone when you visit (and the various reasons and religious significances behind it) and thought "well I've never visited a grave" -I thought you were supposed to take flowers, but I probably wouldn't have done. I reckon if I had a grave to visit, I'd take gardening tools in case it needed tidying up. But in fact, all my dead relatives have been cremated, and I've never has the urge to visit the memorial plaques. It's just not my thing. But I know it brings great comfort to some.
So....
Do you visit graves/memorials?
What do you do there and why (if it's not too personal)
While doing some genealogy research I came across someone in SLC, Utah who had family that lived in the village where I used to live back in England.
I went to the church and found the gravestones of some of his ancestors, took some family pictures ;). Most were from about 1800's though the church is much older.
The village has grown little. In 1851 there were about 250 people living there. There can't be more than 500-600 now.
Its a rare thing for me although id go if asked out of respect for somebody else views .
the last one i think was in va at arlington my ex wifes brother is buried there and it was the anniversary of his death* killed in battle*
my parents are in graves in london ..never visited them .
my friends where mostly cremated .
i do have the ashes of my dear beloved cats who died they where my family to .
For some unknown reason I always visit the two churches in the villages I was raised in when I visit England.
One of them we were married in. I always end up walking amongst the graves to check out the names...
Odd practice maybe, but interesting...
This is odd, when my wife first went to England she was absolutely fascinated with the local cemetary. I think its a bit morbid myself. We are planning a visit next summer with her nephew ans she continues to say, "well we have to go to the cemetary" no doubt about it, Americans are weird.
Ever since I was a child I have enjoyed reading gravestones. My father used to be interested in churches so we were always visiting churches just to look around (back before they ever locked them), and my favourite pastime was examining the plaques inside, and the gravestones outside.
Interestingly, until this year, I never saw a gravestone belonging to a member of my own family - my nearest and dearest were also cremated - but I have always been fascinated and it was amazing to find gravestones of people I was actually descended from. I did put a few flowers on the grave of my great-great-grandparents (one of the 8 sets of them!), but I have never done that before and I probably won't again.
I am glad there are gravestone for me to look at but I am glad I am not obligated to concern myself with gravestone of people I actually knew. I would find it too upsetting to visit the graves of my parents so I am glad I don't have to. For future genealogists their names are inscribed in a Book of Remembrance at the church where their ashes are scattered.
Bizarrely my next-door neighbour has her mother's ashes in a receptacle which she keeps in her closet. That to me is weird. shock
All my family members are cremated too but when my cousin died when she was 10, even though she was cremated, she has a grave with gravestone.
After reading the idea of leaving stones, I would consider choosing something else to leave at her grave rather than flowers. lol I would probably take a packet of custard creams because one of my last fond memories of Susan was the day she stuffed her face with nearly a whole packet of custard creams and then threw the whole lot up! She was so used to being sick that she didn't flinch and carried on walking to the beach to play with my sister. That was the summer before she died. She enjoyed herself so much that all she talked about for ages was coming back the folowing year. Unfortuantely she died the next Easter.
when I went with hubby to visit his grandfather's grave, it never occurred to us to take flowers, or anything else for that matter. I don't know if flowers would have been appropriate for the type of man he was. Because of this, I think if I were to visit someone elses grave it would depend on the person on whether I would even think about taking flowers or not.
I occassionally pop down to the local dead center to visit wee Joey who died a few years back. He was about 4 and died in the pool. I have no idea why i go, I miss the wee scunner and watching his "girlfriend" grow up, I guess I just wonder.
For the first couple of years the grave was tended, toys were left, balloons attached, but now it's pretty forlorn, so I take a brush and pan, a bunch of flowers and a bag of candy.
Thinking on it, it's not occassionally, it's every year when the basil becomes blown. I was distilling basil when it happened.
My lot was cremated, him indoors are buried.
It's a nice peaceful place in the midst of San Jose, very little noise and very few people. Well, live ones wink