British Expatriate Network

just heard this one ..


The Lie Clock

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have
moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."

"Where's President Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling fan!!!

Pavarotti makes it to the pearly gates. Peter smiles and opens them wide
"Welcome welcome, you already have the voice of an angel, now come and be one"
As Pavarotti is squeezing in, he passes Peter an envelope
"The pope came to my bedside as I was dying, and after the last rites, he gave me this note for God"
After securing the gates, Peter hurried the envelope over to God who ripped it open and read...
"Here's that Tenor I owe you".