British Expatriate Network

KentGirl!!!!

I've remembered!!! It was

"Things Would Never Have Worked"

I like big muscles, you were thin and lanky
I like good manners, you were far too cranky
You blew your nose and then looked in your hanky
Things would never have worked


lol lol lol

I'm only patchy on the rest of it though!

Debs x

(Bet you'll be singing it all day long now like me!) grin

The day i met was a real heart wrencher
I thought that love would be a big adventure
Then saw the spinach on your bottom denture
Things would never have worked!!

Shirl

roll

OOhhhh!! I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself........thank goodness for the re-inforced gusset, I say! eek

I've found the words.

Here we go...(Hold on very tight now, Mrs Armstrong - we're going down!)


It's over, you've missed the bus.
Nice idea, but not for us.

We didn't click, let's make it quick
And say goodbye.
Don't hold my hand, and don't demand
A reason why.

No loving looks,
No fond regards.
Tonight was always on the cards.

I like big muscles, you were thin and lanky.
I like nice manners, you were far too cranky.
You blew your nose and then
Looked in your hanky.
It would never have worked.

The day I met you was a real heart-wrencher.
I thought that love would be a big adventure.
Then saw the spinach
On your bottom denture.
It would never have worked.

I wanted champagne and oysters,
Because that's the way I am.
You gave me Vimto, tinned carrots
And Spam.

Rapport's a thing you just can't manufacture.
You had your pin-up girl, I couldn't match her.
I didn't want to It was Mrs Thatcher.
It would never have worked.

I wanted love to come and knock our blocks off.
But even Venus takes her card and clocks off.
Your idea of foreplay was to take your socks off.
It would never have worked.

I wanted moonlight and roses
And all that silly tosh.
You wanted gerbils, a whippet,
A wash.

I wanted love poems but you couldn't write them.
My ear lobes nibbled but you wouldn't bite them.
You'd only fart and then
Attempt to light them.
It would never have worked.

We're not compatible, let's not get blue, dear.
At least we see each other's point of view, dear.
I like big hunky men and
So do you, dear.
It would never have worked.


lol lol lol

Debs x grin

lol

My Brother has just e-mailed me to say he can get me the CD.......deep joy! grin

Debs x

Ooh you lucky thing! I ahd a couple of the VW progs on video but I erased them sad silly me.

Do you have a US VCR??

I have several VW tapes which I can re-tape for you if you like. We have both US and UK VCR's so I can do one onto the other.

Mark has the "As seen on TV" tapes so I could get him to do some for me.

Debs x smile

I have a multi VCR so can play all tapes from everywhere! grin

eek

Debs x lol

Don't suppose anyone has any Vic Reeves they could put onto US videos have they?

I miss Vic...sad

Andyy

I think I may have some odd tapes of "Shooting Stars" somewhere, if you're interested! :grin:

Debs x :smile:

Oh, what I wouldn't give...

Andyy

I'll see what I can do. :smile:

Debs x

KG - just in case you don't have all the words to the Barry and Freida

Freda and Barry (Let's Do It)

Freda and Barry sat one night.
The sky was clear. The stars were bright.
The wind was soft. The moon was up.
Freda drained her cocoa cup

She licked her lips. She felt sublime.
She switched off Gardeners' Question Time.
Barry cringed in fear and dread
As Freda grabbed his tie, and said

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it while the mood is right!
I'm feeling
Appealing.
I've really got an appetite.

I'm on fire
With desire.
I could handle half the tenors in a male voice choir.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I don't believe in too much sex.
This fashion
For passion
Turns us into nervous wrecks.

No derision!
My decision—
I'd rather watch The Spinners on the television.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Do it till our hearts go boom!
Go native,
Creative
Living in the living room.

This folly
Is jolly.
Bend me over backwards on me Hostess trolley.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!
But he said
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
Me 'eavy breathing days have gone.
I'm older,
Feel colder.
It's other things that turn me on.

I'm imploring
I'm boring.
Let me read this catalogue on vinyl flooring.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

So she said
Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Have a crazy night of love!
I'll strip bare.
I'll just wear
Stilettos and an oven glove.

Don't starve a
Girl of a palaver.
Dangle from the wardrobe in your Balaclava.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

But he said
I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I know I'd only get it wrong.

Don't angle
For me to dangle.
Me arms 'ave never been that strong.

Stop pouting.
Stop shouting.
You know I pulled a muscle when I did that grouting.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it,
Share a night of wild romance,
Frenetic,
Poetic!
This could be your last big chance

To quote Milton,
To eat Stilton,
To roll in gay abandon on the tufted Wilton.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I've got other little jobs on hand.
Don't grouse
Around the house.
I've got a busy evening planned.

Stop nagging.
I'm flagging.
You know as well as I do that the pipes want lagging.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it
While I'm really in the mood!
Three cheers!
It's years
Since I caught you even semi-nude.

Be drastic
Gymnastic.
Wear your baggy Y-fronts with the loose elastic.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
I must refuse to get undressed.
I feel silly.
It's too chilly
To go without me thermal vest.

Don't choose me.
Don't use me.
Me mother sent a note to say you must excuse me.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I feel I absolutely must.
I won't exempt you,
Want to tempt you,
Want to drive you mad with lust.

No cautions,
Just contortions!
Smear an avocado on me lower portions.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

I can't do it.
I can't do it.
It's really not my cup of tea.
I'm harassed,
Embarrassed.
I wish you hadn't picked on me.

No dramas!
Give me me pyjamas.
The only girl I'm mad about is Judith Chalmers.
I can't do it.
I can't do it tonight.

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to run amok.
Let's wiggle.
Let's jiggle.
Let's really make the rafters rock.

Be mighty.
Be flighty.
Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!

Let's do it!
Let's do it!
I really want to rant and rave.
Let's go,
'Cause I know
Just how I want you to behave

Not bleakly,
Not meekly.
Beat me on the bottom with a Woman's Weekly.
Let's do it!
Let's do it tonight!.

Shirl