01-08-2007, 04:10 PM
Subject 2006 DARWIN AWARDS
> The Darwin Awards are finally out. They are the annual "honors" given
to
> the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
> themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner
was
> the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine that toppled over on him
as he
> was attempting to tip out a free soda.
> And the nominees were
> Semifinalist #6
> A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
> because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
> milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction ! made him ill, and he
vomited
> into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned
> his house down, killing both him and his sister.
> Semifinalist(s) #5
> Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when
> another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
> occupants of the other plane, but
> lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found
dead
> in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
> Semifinalist #4
> A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus
> straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
> police said Eric Barcia, a fast
> food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end
around
> one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
> jumped and hit the pavement.
> Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
was
> alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that
he
> had assembled was greater
> than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael
said.
> Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
> Semifinalist #3
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
> friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The
> friend--no doubt a future Darwin
> Award candidate--was hospitalized.
> Semifinalist #2
> Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a
> gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
all
> potential sources of ignition;
> lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two
> technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the
> building, they f ound they had difficulty
> navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights
worked.
> Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
> into his pocket and retrieving
> an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
> Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
> exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found
> of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
> explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
been
> thought of as "bright" by his peers.
> Now ladies and gentleman, the #1 Winner of this year's
> Darwin Award (drum roll please)
> The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded
> in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.
The
> wreckage resembled the site of
> an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was
unidentifiable
> at the scene.
> Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur
> rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take
Off
> unit, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy
military
> transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields.
He
> had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
straight
> stretch of road. He attached the! JATO unit to the car, jumped in,
got up
> some sp eed and fired the JATO!
> The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967
> Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3 miles
from
> the crash site. That was established by the scorched and melted
asphalt
> at that location.
> The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within
> 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph
and
> continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver
(and
> soon to be pilot) would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for
> dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him
> to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event! However, the
> automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20
> seconds) before the driver applied
> and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
> rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an
additional
> 1.4 miles and impacting
> the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3
feet
> deep in the rock.
> Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
> fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and
> fingernail and bone shards were removed from
> a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
> Epilogue It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
speed
> of approximately 420 mph, though much of his voyage was not on the
ground.
> ________________________________
>
> The Darwin Awards are finally out. They are the annual "honors" given
to
> the persons who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
> themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner
was
> the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine that toppled over on him
as he
> was attempting to tip out a free soda.
> And the nominees were
> Semifinalist #6
> A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
> because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
> milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction ! made him ill, and he
vomited
> into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire
burned
> his house down, killing both him and his sister.
> Semifinalist(s) #5
> Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when
> another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
> occupants of the other plane, but
> lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found
dead
> in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.
> Semifinalist #4
> A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he tried to use
octopus
> straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County
> police said Eric Barcia, a fast
> food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end
around
> one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
> jumped and hit the pavement.
> Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia
was
> alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that
he
> had assembled was greater
> than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael
said.
> Police say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
> Semifinalist #3
> A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
> friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball.
The
> friend--no doubt a future Darwin
> Award candidate--was hospitalized.
> Semifinalist #2
> Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of a
> gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building extinguishing
all
> potential sources of ignition;
> lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two
> technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the
> building, they f ound they had difficulty
> navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights
worked.
> Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching
> into his pocket and retrieving
> an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
> Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse
> exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was
found
> of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the
> explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never
been
> thought of as "bright" by his peers.
> Now ladies and gentleman, the #1 Winner of this year's
> Darwin Award (drum roll please)
> The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal
embedded
> in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.
The
> wreckage resembled the site of
> an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was
unidentifiable
> at the scene.
> Police investigators finally pieced together the mystery. An amateur
> rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO (Jet Assisted Take
Off
> unit, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy
military
> transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields.
He
> had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
straight
> stretch of road. He attached the! JATO unit to the car, jumped in,
got up
> some sp eed and fired the JATO!
> The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the
1967
> Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3 miles
from
> the crash site. That was established by the scorched and melted
asphalt
> at that location.
> The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within
> 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph
and
> continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver
(and
> soon to be pilot) would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for
> dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him
> to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event! However, the
> automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20
> seconds) before the driver applied
> and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick
> rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an
additional
> 1.4 miles and impacting
> the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3
feet
> deep in the rock.
> Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small
> fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and
> fingernail and bone shards were removed from
> a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
> Epilogue It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground
speed
> of approximately 420 mph, though much of his voyage was not on the
ground.
> ________________________________
>