British Expatriate Network

This is a genuine question of what you think is ethically and morally decent so please be brutally honest.

My wife and I are thinking of trying for a baby. My wife is currently looking for a well paid job in her field and once she is settled we plan to start trying. One of the reasons we decided to do this in the UK is that in my wife's profession within the US having a child is a good way to end your career. It's basically 95% men. Anyhoo, we moved here and were aware at the time that there is a mandated period of time that a new mother can have off from work paid by the company she works at - without danger of being laid off.

This is where the ethics/morals come into it. My wife is very reluctant to take a job, deliberately try for a baby and take advantage of British labour laws simply because they are there. She feels that she should work for a certain period of time in the UK and at her new position before we start trying. However, upon asking this to some other people on a different board many of them compared the idea to having a baby to get a council house. Some argued that takign a job knowing you want a child is as low as you can get. Many saw no problem and, as I do, see it as something every working female who wants children has to think about. There was no consensus as to what would be a decent amount of time to work before having a child, ergo enjoying the benefits the British states provide to working mothers. So instead we would just like as many people's thoughts about it. We want children, my wife wants to work, we don't want to do something that is considered ethically off.

So please, comments would be greatly appreciated. And if you genuinely are disgusted with the idea please go ahead and explain your reasoning - I'd like all angles.

Forget the naysayers. Your wife's employer knows the risks when it hires her. It is, or should be, a consideration built into their decision to hire. They won't protect you against making a bad decision. It is not your job to stop them taking a risk. You are not hiding anything that they can't see.

you pays your money, you takes your chance.


You're probably a Jaffa anyways so it won't matter.

I am with London Square... in fact I'd go further
1. Please don't take this the wrong way, but their is some timelag between trying for a baby and actually getting one - this runs between 10 months and never - so it would be unwise to delay taking a job in the hope of getting pregnant.
2. One of the many advantages of living in Britain as opposed to the US is the generous maternity (and paternity) leave and the protections afforded to the employment rights of pregnant women.
These are legal rights - don't give them up to protect the sensibilites of the ill informed.

In short - she should take the job and good luck with the baby making. (I'd say have fun but that seems indecent)

Erm, no it shouldn't. They cannot decide not to hire a female simply because she may get pregnant.

I think that she definitely should take advantage of the British maternity leave and not even think twice about it. Over here in the US, I was allowed 12 weeks maternity leave and I asked for another 3 weeks unpaid...you can only guess what the answer was to that one. I mean why would I want to spend another 3 weeks with my newborn when I should be a dedicated, hardworking US employee.
Once she finds the good job, start trying, that's just my opinion anyway. There are never any regrets )

What monster says. It's the law, isn't it?

I wouldn't give it any more worry. She can do the job before, during and after pregnancy if she chooses.

Best wishes to you both and hope things go well for you.

Absolutely, as long as you change "cannot" to "may not". It will still be a consideration though. Do you have to give a reason for not hiring someone?

Then do it. The little chica will have dual citizenship which is definitely a bonus and no mistake.

"We don't want to do something that's ethically off." Live by that philosophy and you'd do nothing with your life.

If you want to try for a baby then try, its the trying thats fun. If you are in a situation where you can utilize the benefits of a system that you help pay for then do so. There is nothing morally or ethically wrong about it.

Being part of a society which promotes programs to assist people who have babies and work means that you get the chance to benefit from it once in a while.

You're not a thief, you pay your taxes, you are not a blight on society, you are a decent person...the world needs more people like us, so give yourself a break.

I am adopting, it is going to cost me around $25000, I will claim every cent of it on taxes and feel very not guilty about it.

Its ridiculous the amount you spend. Ours was around 30K all in all. We also had to wait around 3 years.

Where are you adopting from?

I agree one 100%. You are not being deceitful by taking on an employment and then deciding to have a family. That is what I love about the British society, you can have a child and still have your job later on. Go for it, as everyone else said, you are paying your taxes, you are a hardworking couple and the maternity and paternity laws are in place for a reason-to stop our society from becoming more like America, where a mother drops her tiny infant off at the hands of strangers in order to keep her job, that in my opinion is ruthless (I am sure given the option, American mums would rather have the maternity laws we have in Britain).

Good luck to you guys and hopefully you will be giving us the good news sometime soon!

China, we are about to submit our dossier and then we wait for about 12 months. When the baby gets here I am going home.

China, we are about to submit our dossier and then we wait for about 12 months. When the baby gets here I am going home.

Go for it and enjoy all the practice runs lol

You or her do not have to justify the event to anyone. Hay, don't the guys get a bunch of additional time off with the wife has a kid???