Welcome to Britnet! )
You poor thing, you do sound a little glum right now. Would it really hurt your rellies if you were to talk to them about how you feel? I think they are probably the people best placed to help you put it in perspective and maybe help cheer you up/come up with some suggestions. 33 years is a long time -people change with time and everybody has nostalgic/homesick moments now and again, regardless of how keen they were to make the move in the first place and how happy they are now.
Britain has changed. I've only been away 5 years and already it's a very different place than the one I left. but more importantly, I'm a very different person that when I left -it's not all about the place or the era, it's a little of everything.
Hope you feel better soon, and meanwhile maybe we can provide a Brit-fix. )
Hello dabtar,
I have to go now but I will come back. I came here in '66, and I still get the anguish occasionally.
Dabtar, I completely understand how you feel. I left 7 years ago and wanted to go back from the second I landed in the states. My wife and I talk about it but has a daughter here from a previous marriage so realistically it is only a dream.
I also know that nothing that anyone can say or do will change the way you feel, the amount of advice I get is incredible, "It just takes time", "You should make more effort to adjust" I think unless people are in exactly the same position you are and miss exactly what you miss they can never understand.
I know exactly how you feel, and I know that this feeling will never ever change, so you end up living half a life and you end up cheating your partner and family of the very best of you, because part of you is never here, it is back home.
I go back on this all the time, I guess for some of us it never really goes although I have only been here 3 years.
I hope by chatting with us all here it will help you a little.
wink
knowing that there are people around who are feeling the same way at least makes you feel that you are not going insane (I thought that for a while) and gives you an outlet, because who wants to tell their family here that this is not where you really want to be. This matters especially for those of us who have married foreign nationals (wherever you may be) because there is already enough strain on a relationship due to cross cultural issues. When you start letting them know that you don't really want to be here, then you have to have a pretty understanding partner.
My wife is great and very understanding but even her patience is worn thin sometimes and she frequently wants to beat me over the head with a club..
OK, I'm back.
You are maintaining two problems, your desire to go back, and your desire to not burden the family.
First thing is, you should let the family know. You are doubling the load on yourself by bottling it up.
If you overload yourself, you are less available to them, in hiding it, you are hiding part of yourself and that is, in some sense dishonest.
Once you have told, your load will be lighter and you will be a more comfortable person to be around. I don't mean that you should harp on it, that would be just as bad as not saying.
I sympathise and wish you the best.
o To - MONSTER,LONDONSQUARE,EASTENDBOY, & PORTISHEAD.
Well mates must admit I am flabbergasted at such freindly responses to my
(hopefully not whinging) post.
Not only did I find your replies understanding, but within lay quite a few gems
of wisdom & I thank you all for that, yes I will take the advice offered re not bottling
it up and being a bit more open with those nearest & dearest,perhaps in hindsightis something I should have done long ago . will let you know the results if any at a
future date .
Having said all that, may I allso add that it was very comforting to hear of others
that have the same feelings , don't feel so alone with a feeling that it " must just be
me that is an old softie" now ,so thank you all.
The one theme I noticed that re occurs over and again which I find hard to deal with
is that " everything has changed for the worst " well mates if that can be said by
some after 5 years , what will I find after 33 years ?
As a footnote may I say that all ready I feel a lot better for your posts , and for
those of you with London sounding usernames , yes I originated from the
East end London .
Thanks again & would be interested in any of your personal ex pat storys .
You said maybe you missed an era not the country. Well I think an era is dependent on the country for its special flavour. If you didn't experience the 80s in the UK you won't know what it was like, it wasn't the same as it was anywhere else.
You may have been bottling it up too long, maybe if you just said "maybe I didn't realise how much I missed home" or "I didn't want to admit it to myself" rather than "I've been hiding this from you all along" that would go down better.
And then don't show them this forum... oops
Thanks for that my friend,
will take that onboard , though it may sound dis respectfull to some,
the era in question included the war years as well as the 50s @ 60s .
cheers .