01-26-2006, 08:57 PM
For those of you like me who are frustrated with Lost because a) no-one seems to talk to one another, and b) nobody does anything that makes sense, may I recommend this "original script" in which the non-speaking cast get to point out to the regulars how dumb they are -
http//kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/04/lost-you-uncurious-motherfckers.html
M.G. So, wait, there are other people on the island?
John First, the French lady --
Tyrone Too far away?
John Like, a day's walking distance. Sayid made it back limping. She had maps.
(Sayid passes.)
M.G. I want to see the maps!
Sayid Tough titty, day player.
(Sayid exits)
Tyrone Can't be that far, the fat guy made it. Apparently there are some numbers and figures on the maps.
M.G. Wait, the FAT GUY talked to the French Lady?
(Hurley passes)
M.G. What numbers?
Hurley They just show a weird repetitive pattern of coincidence linking myself, the flight, other survivors and even previously undiscovered inhabitants in a tapestry of malign intent.
Tyrone Were you thinking of maybe telling the rest --
Hurley Eh. Didn't seem to matter.
(Hurley exits. Jack and Kate rush past)
John Jack! Wait, we want to see if we got this right.
Tyrone (to Kate) Hey. Almost didn't recognize you with your pants on.
Jack Okay, but I've got a real emergency on my hands!
John Two secs. So far we know that there's not only a previous survivor here with intimate topographical knowledge of the island, and electricity --
Kate Electricity?
Tyrone The signal over-riding us, and Sayid said he got shocked --
John - AND she's got guns, but there's ALSO in theory another civilized group that the Ethan guy came from, one that's well-stocked because he was in perfect health and had intimate knowledge of our situation before he inserted himself into our group.
Jack Right.
John Further, we can deduce that his base is less than a day from your cave camp, because when whats-her-name --
M.G. Pregnant Hottie.
John -- Pregnant Hottie escaped from him, she managed to make it to your caves AHEAD of a much fitter, much faster pursuer who ALSO knew the geography.
Jack Gotcha.
John So we have multiple alternate survivor groups with desirable information AND technology all within daylight searching, we have rough maps, we have weapons, plus two OLDER bodies which may have their own clues, but you've yet to examine. Not to mention, if we can get those woman's maps, we can use the compass to measure magnetic declination, matching that to the primitive yet functional sextant --
(M.G. proudly presents the bamboo sextant it took him twenty minutes to make)
John -- and nail down our rough position. We can also take those long strings of numbers Fat Guy has and compare them to all the personal data of the survivors, the knowledge of the island, and find further correlations.
Jack Okay.
John Sooooo ... why don'twe?
Jack Why don't we ... what?
Kate Jack, hurry! Sawyer has my magic silver briefcase.
(Jack and Kate dash off.)
Tyrone ... You uncurious motherfuckers.
http//kfmonkey.blogspot.com/2005/04/lost-you-uncurious-motherfckers.html
M.G. So, wait, there are other people on the island?
John First, the French lady --
Tyrone Too far away?
John Like, a day's walking distance. Sayid made it back limping. She had maps.
(Sayid passes.)
M.G. I want to see the maps!
Sayid Tough titty, day player.
(Sayid exits)
Tyrone Can't be that far, the fat guy made it. Apparently there are some numbers and figures on the maps.
M.G. Wait, the FAT GUY talked to the French Lady?
(Hurley passes)
M.G. What numbers?
Hurley They just show a weird repetitive pattern of coincidence linking myself, the flight, other survivors and even previously undiscovered inhabitants in a tapestry of malign intent.
Tyrone Were you thinking of maybe telling the rest --
Hurley Eh. Didn't seem to matter.
(Hurley exits. Jack and Kate rush past)
John Jack! Wait, we want to see if we got this right.
Tyrone (to Kate) Hey. Almost didn't recognize you with your pants on.
Jack Okay, but I've got a real emergency on my hands!
John Two secs. So far we know that there's not only a previous survivor here with intimate topographical knowledge of the island, and electricity --
Kate Electricity?
Tyrone The signal over-riding us, and Sayid said he got shocked --
John - AND she's got guns, but there's ALSO in theory another civilized group that the Ethan guy came from, one that's well-stocked because he was in perfect health and had intimate knowledge of our situation before he inserted himself into our group.
Jack Right.
John Further, we can deduce that his base is less than a day from your cave camp, because when whats-her-name --
M.G. Pregnant Hottie.
John -- Pregnant Hottie escaped from him, she managed to make it to your caves AHEAD of a much fitter, much faster pursuer who ALSO knew the geography.
Jack Gotcha.
John So we have multiple alternate survivor groups with desirable information AND technology all within daylight searching, we have rough maps, we have weapons, plus two OLDER bodies which may have their own clues, but you've yet to examine. Not to mention, if we can get those woman's maps, we can use the compass to measure magnetic declination, matching that to the primitive yet functional sextant --
(M.G. proudly presents the bamboo sextant it took him twenty minutes to make)
John -- and nail down our rough position. We can also take those long strings of numbers Fat Guy has and compare them to all the personal data of the survivors, the knowledge of the island, and find further correlations.
Jack Okay.
John Sooooo ... why don'twe?
Jack Why don't we ... what?
Kate Jack, hurry! Sawyer has my magic silver briefcase.
(Jack and Kate dash off.)
Tyrone ... You uncurious motherfuckers.