07-31-2005, 01:37 AM
Tell us how you intend to run the nation?
These are the laws of my administration
No one's allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke --
And whistling is forbidden...
Ensemble
(Singing)
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke
HAIL, HAIL, FREEDONIA
Groucho
(Singing)
If chewing gum is chewed,
The chewer is pursued
And in the hoosegow hidden...
Ensemble
(Singing)
If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued -
Groucho
If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me and it will be prohibited.
I'll put my foot down;
So shall it be -
This is the land of the free.
The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it.
If you think this country's bad off now
Just wait 'till I get through with it.
(Does sailor's hornpipe)
The treasury is low on dough;
The last man went and flew with it.
If you think we're short of money now
Just wait 'till I get through with it.
(Does Highland fling)
The country's taxes must be fixed -
And I know what to do with it,
If you think you're paying too much now,
Just wait 'till I get through with it.
(Takes flute from inside pocket
and plays strain of Dixie)
Dignitary
(Singing)
In our midst you stand
The ruler of this land
A man who'll govern with an iron hand.
Groucho
(Singing)
If anyone gets fresh with me,
I'll show him who's the boss;
I'll stand upon my dignity,
And toss him for a loss.
And this will be the penalty
For those who doublecross -
We'll stand 'em up against the wall,
and Pop goes the Weasel,
Ensemble
(Singing)
If you should make him cross,
He'll toss you for a loss.
If anyone gets fresh with him,
He'll show him who's the boss.
(Groucho does minuet with girls
as above is sung)
Groucho
(Singing)
I will not stand for anything
That's crooked or unfair;
I'm strictly on the up and up,
So everyone beware.
If anyone's caught taking graft
And I don't get my share,
We'll stand 'em up against the wall -
And Pop goes the Weasel!
Ensemble
(Singing)
So everyone beware
Who's crooked or unfair;
No one must take a bit of graft
Unless he gets his share.
These are the laws of my administration
No one's allowed to smoke
Or tell a dirty joke --
And whistling is forbidden...
Ensemble
(Singing)
We're not allowed to tell a dirty joke
HAIL, HAIL, FREEDONIA
Groucho
(Singing)
If chewing gum is chewed,
The chewer is pursued
And in the hoosegow hidden...
Ensemble
(Singing)
If we should choose to chew, we'll be pursued -
Groucho
If any form of pleasure is exhibited
Report to me and it will be prohibited.
I'll put my foot down;
So shall it be -
This is the land of the free.
The last man nearly ruined this place
He didn't know what to do with it.
If you think this country's bad off now
Just wait 'till I get through with it.
(Does sailor's hornpipe)
The treasury is low on dough;
The last man went and flew with it.
If you think we're short of money now
Just wait 'till I get through with it.
(Does Highland fling)
The country's taxes must be fixed -
And I know what to do with it,
If you think you're paying too much now,
Just wait 'till I get through with it.
(Takes flute from inside pocket
and plays strain of Dixie)
Dignitary
(Singing)
In our midst you stand
The ruler of this land
A man who'll govern with an iron hand.
Groucho
(Singing)
If anyone gets fresh with me,
I'll show him who's the boss;
I'll stand upon my dignity,
And toss him for a loss.
And this will be the penalty
For those who doublecross -
We'll stand 'em up against the wall,
and Pop goes the Weasel,
Ensemble
(Singing)
If you should make him cross,
He'll toss you for a loss.
If anyone gets fresh with him,
He'll show him who's the boss.
(Groucho does minuet with girls
as above is sung)
Groucho
(Singing)
I will not stand for anything
That's crooked or unfair;
I'm strictly on the up and up,
So everyone beware.
If anyone's caught taking graft
And I don't get my share,
We'll stand 'em up against the wall -
And Pop goes the Weasel!
Ensemble
(Singing)
So everyone beware
Who's crooked or unfair;
No one must take a bit of graft
Unless he gets his share.