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Full Version: Going Out To Dinner In The USA v The UK
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I personally find it rather depressing to go out for dinner here in the states! Going to someone’s house for a meal here isnt nearly same as going to someone’s house in the UK. Americans don’t turn the TV off when you go to their house, they turn it up! And when you have finished eating you leave? Now I don’t know about you but when I had a dinner party in the UK I have made a commitment for the whole night 7 - at least 02.00! Americans seemed to have missed the point that eating together isn’t the WHOLE point, it’s some of it. It’s a social event, a gathering.

And going out to dinner well that’s a choir. First of all you are asked a million and one questions. Soup or Salad? Which dressing? And so on. And god forbid you don’t want to conform.   I like soup and salad, don’t get me wrong, but often when I eat salad I don’t have enough room for my meal.   I order my meal because I want to eat it today, not because I want to take it home in a Styrofoam container and let it stink my car out and rot in my fridge.

The other day I went to the Olive Garden, I was asked the  usual soup or salad.   I said that I didn’t want either.   I may just as well told the waitress that I had it on very good authority that the world was ending tomorrow, I probably would have got a better reaction!   She looked at me like I was mad.   It’s free, she told me.   Great, give it to the large looking man in the corner, he looks mighty hungry!   She looks at me, then at the other people at my table and walks away.   She then comes back just to make sure I didn’t want the soup or salad.   I try to assure her that that in the time it takes to get a few glasses or water I had not changed my mind.   She then brings the other people at the table their soup and salad (I believe that Americans go into some type of seizure if they don’t get the free stuff) and she leans across to me and says “I put a little extra in the salad bowl for you in case you change your mind.   I look at her bemused and said, what part of no do you not understand?   I was the given a look by the yanks on my table, who contrary to popular belief, have no spine and are used to bad service and accept it without complaint.

I then had to order my main course, I ordered some type of pesto pasta.   The same waitress, who obviously thought I was some type of idiot, leans across to me and says, you do like pesto don’t you? I look her square in the eye and say  "No darling I don’t, I can’t stand pesto. That’s the point you see, I’m a bit of a masochist and usually around this time I have the whips and chains out, well you see my dear I am here so that wouldn’t be appropriate now would it? So, I have decided to punish myself by ordering a meal I quite clearly don’t like and denying myself the simple pleasures of soup and salad. Now I don’t expect you to understand this but after years of a dull sex life darling you learn to get your kicks anywhere you can! "

As you can imagine the rest of the meal went without incident, the Yanks didn’t speak to me again and left a huge tip to compensate for the eccentric Brit along with looks like - we found her outside- we are very sorry.   Although, half way though the meal the waitress brought us out the bill and asked if we wanted anything else?    Why do they do that?   Why do they ask you if you want dessert before you have even finished your main course?   Is it me or is this behavior very strange?   I can’t stand getting the bill before you have finished eating?   I might want something else but I don’t know because I haven’t finished eating the something I have now?  I wouldn’t mind if the restaurant was busy but there was just us and a hungry looking man in the corner!   If they left me alone they would get more money out of me. I like to have a few glasses of wine before I go home.   I like to sit and chat with my friends and maybe have coffee or a bottle of wine, some whisky or something.

I remember the times when in the UK dinner lasted from 07.00 – close.   And when you had finished the table cloth was covered in red wine bottles and stains.   Why have the Yanks not grasped this concept?   Why is dinner to them just the action of consuming as much food as possible in the smallest amount of time and talking the rest with you?   Why is going out to dinner a function not an event, that always leaves you a little disappointed?
I say the restaurant (Olive Garden) wants to get you in and out as quick as possible so they can make more money, particularly the waitress who wants more customers to go through and thus get more tips.

Often in the UK, dinner was followed by a couple of drinks at the pub. The equivalent bars here seem too much like pick up joints. If you go into one you must be on the pull, be some kind of alcoholic or have some kind of psychological problem to drink away - you can't possibly be going there for a social drink with your friends. Ah, I miss the pubs.... sad
Its not just the Olive Garden, that is just an example I used, its everywhere.

I miss the pubs too, but still I used to stay in the restaurant after finishing my meal and have a few drinks, especially in Cambridge as a lot of the restaurants I went to were either on the river or right next to the street with open windows so you could people watch and judge at will. The bars here in Utah are pick up joints frequented by meth heads, just the type of place I want to go on my special night out!
:lol:

BritGirl @ Wed 27 Jul, 2005 Wrote:
  Great, give it to the large looking man in the corner, he looks mighty hungry!  


remind me to sit on the table next to you, next time your out :lol:

well my hubbies gran was hilarious at resaurants.
If they brought the main meal before the starter was done with she would send it back, same with the bill until everyone was done with coffee etc..
Its very annoying when they bring out more plates to add to the table already covered with plates. The waitress spends 10 minutes trying to shuffle everything around in order to fit the new plates on the table. I am left watching with almost morbid curiosity while others around me try to stand up in order to fit more food on the table. Would something not kick in? Would you not stop and think square peg => round hole, this isn’t going to work?

There is something fundamentally unsettling about an entire nation that does not get that concept.
I have never "been to dinner" at a friend's, no we don't get out much ;o) But whenever we have invited people over for dinner it has been a case of staying as long as they are welcome.

Not so keen on the comment about the "large man looking hungry". I have seen some skinny people who have looked much hungrier than the average or heavy person.

I have tried using similar sarcasm in restaurants and elsewhere and it is a complete waste of time. When they finally realise you don't mean what you just said, they think you are on leave from the loony bin.

The restaurant franchise in the US is definitely a "quick in and out" thing. Look at the queues at OG on a Friday evening and it is obviously so. That sort of restaurant though is rare in the UK. Most are the type you speak of, where if you book for dinner you leave when you bloody well want to leave.

It's an interesting paradox. There is so much space here but your local OG is built into a building not much larger than a McDonalds. And people's kitchens are bigger than some flats back home and equipped better than some restaurants, and yet if people have the money they would rather go out to eat.

Well I guess they can't spend it all in their 5 days of annual leave, so they have to do something with it, right?
Britgirl, you have reminded me of the life I had before I was married and had children. The married-with-children part co-incided with the coming-to-America part so I did not realise that that is how poeple without children also went about things.

I have from time to time yearned for a good dinner party such as you describe. I am now disappointed to learn that even once the children have grown up a bit that still will not happen.

As with other things I think I would host my own and spell out the format of the evening for the benefit of my American friends so that they understand how the Great British Dinner Party is supposed to work!

BritGirl @ July 27th 2005, 11:18 am Wrote:
Its not just the Olive Garden, that is just an example I used, its everywhere.


Sure. All restaurants just want to get you in and out as quick as possible to make more money. I don't think thats the case particularly with restaurants that aren't busy. The Olive Garden usually has lines and a waiting period to be seated. At least it is here., so its busy and they want you in and out.

Cant quite evaluate eating out in Uk v US cus its been a while since ive been there . i do remember that the service was nowhere near as good as it was when I resided in london .

Eating out here is -pleasent depending on where you go , i wont let any body rush me but on the other hand as soon as ive finished and let the meal settle i go on my way usually preceeded by a trip to the *little boys room *

Entertaining at home the tv is off or at most tuned to a relaxing music channel not to high to spoil the conversation .

The only exception to the tv being of /soft music is if the dinner party is arranged to coinside with a sporting /or major show event and then the meal is served to accomadate that .

Ive been to homes for a dinner and had to ask them to *kindly turn the tv down of of * as I find there conversation so much more stimulating .


It works every time . smile
I hosted an English dinner party not long ago. By American standards it was a hit, by my standards it was a lot of work, running around and fussing for nothing.

The TV was off and I chose a collection of ‘chill out’ CD’s. I made a 3 course dinner comprising of English food – all of which I had researched and I also provided European wine and English beer/Larger for dinner and, liquor for after dinner/coffee. I even went as far as to get After 8’s!

Still, by 10.00 I had won the battle but lost the war. Yes people were still here but, the TV was on and I was alone in the kitchen doing dishes (something I never did till the next day in the UK).

It was then I realized that 1. Without TV no one in the USA would have a common ground and 2. The Yanks are just not cut out for lighthearted banter, the occasional serious political talk (although as the only Brit I advise all, avoid at all costs) and reminiscing about better era while/during or after eating.  3. American women will not help, unless it’s loading a dishwasher.

What you need to do is get some Brits together and have a dinner party. The Brits have it right! Everyone will bring a bottle and everyone will stay until each one is consumed! We hold the ability to have lighthearted banter and our political beliefs are made up of more than watching CNN and Oprah. We enjoy the food and will go to great lengths to help you out and when all is said and done the women will stay and help you in the kitchen! It may not be PC to say but it is the way it is!

East17 @ Wed Jul 27, 2005 9:47 am Wrote:
I have tried using similar sarcasm in restaurants and elsewhere and it is a complete waste of time. When they finally realise you don't mean what you just said, they think you are on leave from the loony bin.



Your right they just dont get sarcasm . I feel its such a terrable to waste such sarcasm on them but I have to say it or it will kill me!

Sometimes I feel like Stewie from family guy minus Brian!

The big occasions I have done here include TG, Easter and Christmas; always including our American friends. Everyone pitches in with the preparation of food and table/seating arrangements, brings wine/beer/spirits along to help the party. We have a brilliant time from the moment everyone arrives! smile The atmosphere is kind of orderly without being formal and we all drink until we fall down! And yes, there are numerous red wine stains on the white tablecloths!!!! (Just about PMSL at that remark...so true!)

I tend to stick with the good old roast dinner scenario for large gatherings as I find it easier to cope with, unless it's NYEve when a buffet always goes down well.

It is the same here when you go out to eat, BG, in that you get your starters rapidly followed by the main course (on one occasion we got both together! shock ) and dessert is only an option after they have brought the bill! Apparently you are meant to order dessert at the same time as everything else. roll It seems to be in and out as rapidly as possible, stuff your food in and spend the rest of the evening (from 9pm! ) suffering rampant indigestion.

Only a couple of places I have been to will let you stay as long as you want, order more drinks and dessert maybe an hour after you have "finished". One was an independant Pizzeria, the other a Mexican place that has one other branch in the area. Maybe that's the solution...find "one-off" restaurants and plan to stay as long as you can! grin

The other thing that really annoys me is everything seems to be deep fried to death! What's that all about? Sometimes I don't want just salad or a pasta dish that could feed half of Ethiopia.

Gastronomic regards.....

Debs x ???
The first thing I did when I moved in with my girlfriend (now my wife) was to build a full-size replica of an English bar. Oak bar top, cabinets, optics, the works. We have colossal, until 0200, British-style dinner parties with no need for a TV unless we need to inspect the weather radar.
I can only come to the conclusion that you haven't met any good enough friends yet in America as I think that is the requirement for a great dinner party, not the nationality of the people involved.

We have friends from all nationalities here in Holland, American, Dutch, English, South African etc, and as we are great mates with them all - they all have the same wave length going on - which equals a great time whenever we have them over for dinner or join them at their place. We are selective of who we consider friends, and they all seem to be able to fit right in, regardless of where they come from.
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