British Expatriate Network

This was so funny I just had to post it.

http//timblair.net/ee/index.php/weblog/roves_brilliant_plan

Democrat congressman Maurice Hinchey, speaking on CNN, persists with the idea that Karl Rove devised the fake Rathergate memos

It doesn’t take an awful lot of imagination if you’re thinking about who it is that might have produced these false documents to try to mislead people in this very cynical way. It would take someone very brilliant, very cynical, very Machiavellian, and it doesn’t take a lot of imagination to come up with the name of Karl Rove as a possibility of having done that.
Is Karl Rove truly that brilliant? Using contemporaneous reports and several eye-witness sources, this site is able to reconstruct the events of last August at Evil Rove Headquarters, located many miles beneath the earth’s surface

(Rove enters the Chamber of Destruction and greets his assembled operatives)

Rove Gentlemen. Ladies. Mr. Gannon. Mr. Murdoch.

(Various responses “Hiya!” “Howdy.” “G’day.")

Rove People, you have done good work. You have tirelessly attempted to undermine John Kerry’s bid for the presidency. And yet the latest polling shows that Kerry may still win.

(Murmured complaints “Dang!” “This is soooo not happening.” “Can’t compete with a Magic Hat.")

Rove Silence! I cannot tell you how much this disappoints and angers me.

(An assistant appears at Rove’s side with a baseball bat. He is waved away)

Rove But now is not the time for fault-finding, or skull-crushing. Now is the time for action. Serious action. In fact, the most serious action it is possible for us to undertake.

Murdoch You don’t mean ... ?

Rove Yes. It is time for us to deploy the Doomsday Device.

(Several reel from the table in shock; two are ill)

Rove Mr. Gannon, please fetch the Device. And put some pants on, for God’s sake.

Gannon Y-yes sir. Right away, Mr. Karl, sir.

(Gannon exits the room; the anxious conspirators listen as the sound of several vaults being sequentially opened echoes throughout the Chamber. Presently Gannon returns, carrying a briefcase)

Rove Open it.

(Gannon enters the security code—DAILYKOS—and the briefcase springs ajar. Looking away in fear and torment, he nudges the briefcase towards Rove)

Rove And now it is time. Time to unveil our most hideous, most perfect plan. (Rove grips the briefcase with both hands) Do you people truly know of the evil that man can attain? Do you know of the Dark Lord’s majesty? Do you know of a terror so sublime that any lesser atrocity—Salem; the Holocaust; our coming assassination and cannibalism of the Pope—will from this point on make you giggle like little girls? Behold!

(Rove removes from the briefcase several sheets of paper. He studies them intently; every eye in the room is trained upon him. Finally, Rove speaks ...)

Rove This is the frickin’ Doomsday Device? A bunch of bogus National Guard memos? What the hell?

Clarence Thomas Well, what we thought we’d do, see, was hand these over to the media and ...

Rove Oh, come on! These are dated 1972 but they’re in Microsoft Word! Hellloooo! You think anybody in their right mind will fall for these? Oh, look here; you haven’t even changed the default settings! Why, I could type these up at home!

Ann Coulter With respect, sir, the plan was to ...

Rove Plan? Plan? Listen, legs, this plan wouldn’t fool a Kennedy! Or a crack-addicted homeless person! This so-called plan wouldn’t rate a segment on Air America! This plan I’m looking at wouldn’t be posted at Democratic goddamn Underground! This half-assed, retard plan isn’t worth the ...

Hugh Hewitt Actually, we were thinking of giving the memos to Dan Rather.

Rove Proceed.

See you've been reading Mickey Kaus on Slate this morning as well Gavin.

Personally I'm still mourning Wead's capitulation - I was hoping for more taped admissions from Bush about his Coccaine, LSD and dope use :D

Imagine if that had been Clinton, we'd never have heard the end of it.

Damn Liberal media, always letting Bush of the hook.

Exactly what I was thinking. They'd be on that on the 'liberal' media talk shows for the next year or two.

Of course I have Rob, I read him everyday! Add that Slate is 3 down on my fave list.

As for Bush's whoopsy daisy - I'm think maybe it's the fact it seems really tabloidy. Right now I'm absolutely for the media in this country to turn-all-Paxman and start really holding people accountable. And I mean frikking hard. And here presents itself a great story - certainly would have been huge before the election. But I think because it's about drug use and not a discovery of say gross impropriety or out-right dodginess on policy that media is wont to leave it alone. That's the bad thing from Rathergate and the Pew Research polls that showed that people thought the media had it in for Bush. Add the irritating thing for the news media is they KNOW everything anyway. 99% of what is known isn't put in the press so it's no surprize so many news-types loathe the people they cover. They know what's under there bed, in their closet, and who they've been swindling.

Also, a little might be Bush's washed-hands tactic of supposedly having a profound change in his 40s from a drunken coke-head loser to....well this. His draw-a-line-here/I-found-Jeebus-so-it-all-went-away/Blame-it-on-Satan! excuse is pretty handy.

As for the Clintons - some always like to say people wouldn't vote for Hillary for Prez because Americans are sexist. I'd argue that the media is even more so - they can't resist an opportunity to lampoon and deride anyone who isn't a cranky old white guy.