Hi all
Well, we've been here a week now and I haven't stopped shaking yet! We've come over for approx 3 years with my husband's job and it would be fair to say that it was my idea! Things weren't working out job wise in the UK, he had the offer of something better in the US, so we took it.
Our house is quite remote, but not too far from shopping, eating etc. The house was like an empty shell when we moved in, so it's been hectic trying to get the basics in, like sofa, beds, fridge. The kids start school on Monday and my husband goes away for a week on Sunday.
Everybody I know says how lucky we are to have this opportunity, and how brave we are too - I really didn't think I would get homesick, so it's a shock to me.
I'm in need of some encouragement and some friends and am not sure where to find them - is there anybody out there who's been through all these confusing emotions and can help?
Thanks
It is a culture shock to move to the US, I found. You think you know it quite well from TV, holidays etc, but it's just not the same to be living there for real. You also build up the move for months before, and after it happens it's a bit of a downer. Your feelings are perfectly normal. Give it some time.
As with moving anywhere new, I think it's a good idea to join as many things as you can in order to get to know people and become part of the community - and to pass time if you are really struggling. Lots of places have "Newcomers Clubs" and various other groups that help you get started. Churches are good, if you are that way inclined.
Keep talking on Britnet, then at least you will make some eminently sensible virtual friends.
Thank you for your words of encouragement, I do intend to try and join things but haven't had the time or the nerve yet (I'm not a very outgoing, party type person).
Jeezs only a week in and you have already found our crazy crowd. Welcome to the US by the way and expect to be homesick for a while yet, after all its a huge culture shock.
You will soon find that this is the best place to vent any frustrations you have re life over here. You ask the questions and we will provide the answers if we can. The chatroom is a good place start and there are usually a good crowd there in the evenings.
How old are your children and what were their feelings re the move? I have 3 teenagers, all of them reacted differently to the challenge of a new way of living. My eldest has just started university over here and is loving it.
Good luck. As Ameriscot says, just get out there and interact, although it is harder if your kids are that much older.
I've been here 3 years and have no mates either, then again that'll come as no surprise to those who know me! D
where in the US are you?
Hi Judimo, you're going to get loads of replies from your post. I moved here via husband's job last year, I found it difficult at first (understatement) but you get used to it, and if you say you're here for about 3 years does that mean you have the option of a ticket home and a job in the UK at the end of it?
I've looked up where you live, it looks like it's in a really nice part of the state, not too far from Delaware Water Gap and the Poconos. I've done a bit of travelling up and down the East coast and Pennsylvania is one of my favorite states, it's lovely in the autumn. Wishing you the best of luck as you settle in Judimo, keep posting - this board is where you need to be.
Judimo, it really is a huge culture shock when you first get here, but it does grow on you. Will you have the opportunity for trips back home during the 3 years? That will make a big difference.
Good luck and welcome to the board!
Hi Judimo, and welcome to Britnet!
We've all experienced the homesickness to one degree or another, and some of us are still struggling with it. It's absolutely normal and things will get better in time, meanwhile please visit here often and you'll find the day just flies by! D
Where in the States are you living? Here in Connecticut there is a thriving ex-pat community (some are compelled to call it a "cult" but take no notice!!!!) and we get together every so often. I have made some smashing friends thanks to Britnet and that has made living here easier for me.
In my experience, clubs and churches here are very clique-y. Not only that but they are always asking you to give money. I became very disillusioned with the church I went to for the first couple of years. The people are very nice but if we met outside the church in the shops for instance they either blanked me totally or were not about to stop and say "hi". Not all of them were like this but I did feel that some of them would only give me the time of day if I went to church. I joined the Women's Club last year thinking I could be a useful member of the local community. Wrong! All they are interested in is how much money you or your husband earns and how well connected you are. I would volunteer for things to be told that it was already covered because "Such and such has been doing it for years". I'm no longer a member.
On the bright side, I will strike up conversations with people in shops and have made several good friends that way. This morning I'll be meeting up with a group of Brits for coffee downtown and tomorrow I'm helping Lisa Hyland with her tag sale to raise money for the New Haven Cat Project. (Lisa is a regular poster on here BTW). The mums at school have been very kind and helpful and I have made some good friends in the neighbourhood.
I'm sure it won't take long for you to settle in and get used to things here. Sometimes you'll be frustrated, disbelieving, amazed, in awe, pleasantly surprised and downright delighted with things that happen to you and this is a wonderful country live in despite what we might say now and again. )
Keep smiling! )
Debs x )
Welcome to Britnet. Hang in there it will get better!
Wow - thanks for all your replies - they are mostly encouraging. One problem I have is that I feel homeless - our house is being sold in the UK and I'm not settled into this one yet.
It took alot of courage for me to do what I've done as I'm virtually phobic about flying and the prospect of flying home scares me, besides which, once back in England I might not want to come home! We've also shipped our dog out, so we have to stick it out for 6 months at least.
I'm sure that in a few weeks, I'll be more positive and possibly giving out advice to other posters!!
We live in the countryside between Boyertown and Topton - it should be on your maps, but if it's not, we're about 15 miles east of Reading. One positive aspect of being here is that we're only about 30 minutes away from the famous King of Prussia!
Once again - thank you for your encouragement
Welcome judimo, try to find a good long distance phone company so you can phone home when ever the homesickness hits you....thats what I often do,it seems to helps me D
We live in the countryside between Boyertown and Topton - it should be on your maps, but if it's not, we're about 15 miles east of Reading. One positive aspect of being here is that we're only about 30 minutes away from the famous King of Prussia!
Pennsylvania?
Judimo = welcome to Britnet. You are very lucky to have found us so quickly! You are lucky to have online communications at all - many of us started our lives over here with only letters and phone calls to keep in touch.
I know from experience that your scariest time will be the week your husband is away. Mine went away for a week the third day after we arrived here. I knew no-one and could hardly find my way to the grocery store.
While I know it can be difficult moving with children - they are your key to contact with other people. If you can, offer to volunteer in school - at least then you'll see what your children are facing.
There is a Welcome Wagon club in your area. I belong to Welcome Wagon and at least it gets me out. There is a lot of wine-drinking at ours but they are not all alike! My guess is that some are more friendly than others. In our area there is a large population of people from out of the state and a few Brits too. If you are in a rural community it might not be so diverse, but here is the url anyway http//www.angelfire.com/pa5/welcomewagon/index.html
Be prepared for people to be very friendly while they are in front of you and promptly forget you the minute they leave you. If you want a social gathering - you may well have to host it yourself! Look out for other at-home mothers in your neighborhood and - if your children are young - find out if there is a babysitting co-op or if they are interested in forming a neighbourhood playgroup - or even having coffee mornings!
You will find that many people will say things to you that you don't understand and things will crop up that will cause you to not even know what questions to ask to find out what it all means. Don't be afraid to ask. Be direct. Don't go into long explanations about why you don't know - Americans prefer the direct approach - if you have a question - ask it!
If you are afraid to ask them, ask us - someone here will be able to help you.
Moving to a foreign country is exciting, frightening, frustrating, interesting and eventually very very ordinary..... If only people back home realised what dull lives many of us lead!
Good luck - and keep posting on Britnet )
Judimo, welcome to Britnet.
You have been given some very sound advice. I arrived here in Jan 2001 and felt much like you. It is a nightmare to start. Don't worry, it will get better, but may feel worse for the first couple of months. Don't let it get to you -post in the main forum (Britnet) whenever you need help/sympathy etc. and you'll always find someone who can help/understand.
Here is my advice:[list][*]Don't be afraid to tell people you don't understand, that you are British, just landed and this is all new to you. It will open many doors. Americans sometimes seem very unsympathetic, but this is mostly because they have never been somewhere so totally different to where they grew up and once you expain that it is hard for you, most will go out of their way to help.
[*]Don't be fooled by the similarity in our languages -you are in a foreign country, things are said and done differently. Once you stop expecting things to work they way they did back home, it gets easier.
[*]Act like you're here for good. In my experience, the people who have a really tough time are those who think/know they are going back so don't make a true effort to adapt to their new life. Three years is a long time, and you never know....
[*]Read this thread:
click here
[/list:u]hope this helps
Watch nothing but UPN for a week. You'll either rapidly acclimatise or start swimming...
I don't know what to tell you, I've been here for 5 years and still miss England. It's going to be hard - everything from ordering take-out to dealing with cable. Play up the english accent and all the Amurrican men will be falling over themselves to help you out. Seriously.
If there's anything I can do to help you and the hubby, don't hesitate to PM me. Everyone here is super-friendly so don't hesitate to ask. And no matter how stupid the question may seem, someone here has probably asked it... probably me wink